It's been a while...

It's been some time since I posted anything of substance here.  I have various journals, documenting various goings on in my life, so trying to keep up with all of them is rough. 

Here are some recent goings on~~

I think I want to move to the beach.  It's always been a dream of mine.  It's to the point now where I'm actually researching homes in the area I would like to relocate.  I'm a Franklin girl, through and through, but it just ain't cutting it for me anymore.  I get bored easily, and maybe it will take a huge change to shake things up a bit.  We aren't seriously considering anything quite yet, as we are going to be here for another couple of years minimum, but it's nice to dream.

I want to find a photography class.  I want to learn how to really utilize my camera.  I don't just want to know how point and snap pics of the kids, I want to learn how to make pictures look awesome.  I'm not an awful "picture taker" (I will never refer to myself as a photographer) but I would love to be so much better.

I also would like to take a writing class.  I think I truly missed my calling in life, because boy, oh, boy do I LOVE to write.  I've gotten many a compliment on my writing as well.  The proof that I love writing goes back about 8 years when I started my first online journal.  8 years later, I still can't get enough of it.  I know that sometimes I mince words, or something might not sound as eloquent as I would like and I want to work on that. , Writers have my utmost respect.   I've been working on everything from screenplays to novels throughout the years and never do I finish.  To be a published author or a famed screenwriter...oh yeah, the stuff that dreams are made of.  At least for me. 

I would like to get Jack in some sort of preschool program.  He needs interaction with kids his age.  He needs to learn how to share.  And coexist with other kids.  Contrary to what he may believe (and what Mommy may believe) he is NOT the only little boy in the world and he won't get far in life if he can't share.  I won't go on about the kids here, though.  That's what the baby blog is for... www.jackandemma.baveo.com  (Yeah, ANOTHER blog)...

I need, need, NEED to lose weight.  I need to really start exercising.  That is what will work, so I just need to do it. Yesterday.  Well, I have to wait for the knee and ankle to get better (small incident that involved my slipping on a slippery surface) then I can start.  I was losing for a while, but I've probably gained it all back.  I'm talented like that.

Greg and I are going to be married 5 years this year.  I can't believe it.  It's been an interesting 5 years (7 years) to say the least; filled with ups and downs.  When all is said and done, I wouldn't change a thing.  It's made us who we are today.  To be still in love and happy is a gift, and it's not something that I take lightly.  Here's to 5 more...and 5 more after that...and 5 more after that....

I guess that is it for now.

Johnson Park-revisited

A little less than a year ago, I visited Middlesex County's "Johnson Park."  I was appalled and disgusted by my experience.  I recalled the visit in a letter to the editor of the Home News Tribune.  It garnered enough attention to receive a reply via a front page article of the News' "Community Living" section.  In the article, it was implied that I was uneducated and that I had no clue what I was talking about.  I've sat on that for a year.  I, of course, wanted to reply, but who am I to take on Middlesex County?  So against my hard-headed "Italian/German" nature, I let it go.

Today, I decided to revisit the park; a follow-up visit if you will. 

It was clean.  Maintained.  There was signage hung where it hasn't been before.  The areas where the animals are kept were beautifully landscaped, and you can really tell that they are making more of a concentrated effort to keep it neat and presentable. 

Not to sound overly confident, or full of myself, but I think I won.  My article did just what I wanted it to do, it got people talking, it got the park noticed, and where I could have done without the multiple insults to my intelligence, I'm glad my point and message got across.

Kudos to you Middlesex County for making an effort.  I thank you, my children thank you, and most importantly the animals that you display thank you.

2010, Here we go again...

I don't like making resolutions.  I think of them as ways to set yourself up for failure.  I'm not making resolutions this year, but I will make it a point to work on some things.  Maybe, just maybe, if these things don't have the "resolution" tag, they have a snowballs chance in hell to actually working out.

I WILL work on losing weight.  I NEED to be able to play with my kids without wanting to keel over and die.  I HAVE to stop eating when I'm not hungry, or sad, or happy, or bored.  Not being able to walk up the stairs without having to stop halfway to catch my breath is UNACCEPTABLE.  Being very close to my "37.5 weeks pregnant" weight is ridiculous.  I NEED to make the effort to lose the weight.  For my sake.  For my kids sake.  I don't mean to make that sound so dramatic, but the fact of the matter is, it IS that dramatic; it IS that serious.  I know that I will never be happy with the weight I'm at, and I will never be happy with the way I look...that's another issue, for another year, but I can work on being okay with it all.  "Okay" is good enough for me.

My passive aggressiveness needs to go. So does my debilitating shyness.  I know, I know, those who know me may not notice the shyness, but it's there.  It's crippling at times.  I need to just work through it.  It was never this bad, and I think alot of it has to do with my weight issue. So hopefully working on one will help with the other?  Maybe.

I have to work on communicating better.  In my marriage, with my family.  I will not be taken seriously, if I don't know how to communicate what I'm thinking effectively. 

I NEED to stop being so damn emo all of the time.  Alot of it has to do with the weight, that's a point of fact.  Crying at the drop of a hat is really not cool.

I NEED to go to a doctor.  A body doctor and a mind doctor.  It's time...FINALLY.  I'm NOT getting any younger and I'm not getting any saner, so it's just time.  I have to not be so scared of the help that I need.  Thinking about it now, I'm not so sure what it is I'm afraid of, but alas, I'm terrified.  That can be NO MORE.

I have to stop being such a damn slob.  This is a relatively new turn of events for me.  When I got married, I was disgusted at the slob my husband was (Sorry, Honey), and now, 4 years later, it's rubbed off on me.  I can't stand itm but I can't stop it.  Time to work on that.

That goes hand in hand with wanting to be a better "housewife".  Cleaning more, getting the laundry under control, keeping on top of the grocery list.  These are all things that I can definitely work on.

I need to work on being a better Mom and wife.  Being a Mom is something I take very seriously, and as of late, I haven't been doing such a great job.  My seemingly never ending patience has been tapped out.  My compassion and understanding has gone out the window.  i need to work on getting that back.  Focus on the positive, and to let the negative affect me so much.  They deserve it.  I have to parent out of love a bit more than parent out of anger.  Same thing with my marriage to make it a point to enjoy the positive and not harp on the negative things and let them bring me down.

I need to...take a vitamin every day.  Drink more milk.  Eat 4 french toast sticks instead of 6.  Open the windows.  Not stay in my pajamas all day every day.  GO OUT and not be afraid of how to handle 2 kids on my own in the "outside world".  Make new friends.  Reconnect with old ones.  Stop being mean.  Stop being angry.  Live each and every day to it's full potential.  Go on a vacation.  Stay off the damn computer.

Sounds like it's going to be a full year, eh? 

I wish each and every single one of you a Happy, Healthy New Year full of positivity and love. 

Mommy Lessons

You know that commerical for "Kix" cereal, that states that Kix are "kid tested and mother approved"?  My bet is that particular mother didn't have to vacuum Kix off of her dining room carpet 13 times a day.  Cheerios , FTW.

It's amazing that I've only been a Mom for a mere fraction of my life, and it is the thing that matter the most to me.  In 2 and a half years I've learned so much.  Here are some lessons that I've learned:

-It doesn't matter how many toys you buy them, they will always play with the box it came in, instead.

-Mommy's kisses can really fix anything.  And I have to remember that when Jack asks me to kiss his butt, because he hurt it.  It won't be cute when he is 14 and telling me to kiss his butt for other reasons.

-There are taboo topics in Motherhood that will always cause a debate.  No matter what is said, or what is talked about, no one knows what is best for your children but YOU. formula vs. nursing/vaccinate vs. not vaccinating/disposable vs. cloth/pro or anti "cry it out"...It's all a matter of personal choice.  Do the research and make your own decisions , don't just do what other people say you should do.

-Children never perform on command.  So, when you tell someone, "yeah, she does this now, check it out", be prepared to feel like an idiot when your child stares at you blankly, drooling.

-There is nothing like looking through the world through your children's eyes.  The innocence of it all.  It's a breath of fresh air.  A joy.

-No matter how hard it may be at times, ENJOY everyday with your children.  Times goes by so fast.  How did Jack become 2 and a half?  How is Emma going to be 1 in three weeks?  I try not to blink at times; I'm scared I'm going to miss something.

-Letting your child cry while you take a moment for yourself is probably the smartest thing a mother (or father) could do for themselves.  There is nothing, NOTHING wrong with making sure all of your child's needs are met, and just locking yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes to collect yourself...

-Don't be afraid to ask for, or accept help.  Let go of the control and accept that you can't do it all all of the time.

-Fight for what you want for your children.  If you can't fight for them, what can you fight for?  Better yet, what SHOULD you fight for?  Stand up for them, believe in them, cherish them.

-It's okay to be angry with your little bundle of joy/little hellion, depending on the situation.  They know from a very early age what buttons to push.  They also know the exact time to give an unprovoked hug or kiss.  Survival instincts start young.

-There's always tomorrow.  I chant that to myself at 9:30 in the morning on a particularly crappy day.

-There is nothing, NOTHING like newborn, infant,toddler cuddles.  They make you feel like maybe, just maybe you're doing something right in forming your miniature human.

I was never sure that I wanted kids.  I especially did not want 2 kids in 2 years, and I'm okay with saying that.  I'm also okay with saying that my children have taken my world in their little hands and have changed it so remarkably; I can't imagine living life any different than how I'm living it right now at this very moment.

Thanks, Boo and Rosie, you rock my world each and every day.

Long time...

I've been very quiet as of late.  Lots to say, just not sure how or when to say it. 

There has been alot going on here.  Greg has had some pretty severe back pain, and we are being forced to consider lots of different scenarios, which include me going back to work, and him staying home full time with the babes.  I'm not crazy about the idea, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I definitely am not of the thinking that "the man has to provide for the family at all costs, while the wife sits at home and does wifely duties", so if me going to work is the answer, so be it.


 The one thing that is a definite is that he will have to find a different line of work, something not so physically demanding.  There's not alot out there to chose from for a guy who doesn't like to work indoors.  This is really been weighing heavily on our minds; it's just so much to think about.  He doesn't have a specific diagnosis, other than "it's going to hurt really bad for a long time", so it's hard to plan our future on that.  In the meantime, he's quit his part time job in efforts to let his back heal a bit while still working his full time job, so he's home on the weekends for the first time in 2 years or so.  It's taking some getting used to. 
Halloween is coming up quickly.  I never like it, even as a kid.  However, on Halloween 2006, I found out I was pregnant with Jack, so  I've been a fan ever since.  The kids are going to be Peter Pan and Tinkerbell this year.  Next year, I'm going to figure out how to make their costumes, because costumes are just too expensive.  We will have a busy day that day.  Up North to the inlaws for pictures, and back down here for Trick Or Treating.  Jack hates candy, and Emma is too young, so that leaves whatever candy they get for Greg and I.  Since I have the willpower of an ant, it's going to be hard to stay away.

I've been thinking about my weight alot lately.  I'm too lazy, and too tired, and too stressed out to stop eating.  That's the truth.  My weight is out of control.  I'm 10 pounds away from my highest weight ever..."9 months pregnant with Emma" weight is not a weight I want to be close to now that she is 10 months old.  I just don't know what to do about it. WW is an option, I just have to drag my lazy ass to a meeting.

I started this last night and never got around to finishing it.  I will end it now, as both babies are up (and still sick, it's been a week), maybe I'll write some more later.

Dreams

Dreams. If they are the portal to one's soul, than my soul is f'ed up!!

I really wanted to go bungee-jumping, very badly. Once I said that, people got on the ball, and arranged for it to happen. The bungee people decided to come to my parents house (the old house) and dig a hole in the ground into the basement. In the hole that they created, they put a tank of water. High about the hole, they hung a the contraption that I would jump off of. Me wanting to bungee jump turned into a bunch of people wanting to bungee jump, friends and family gathered for their turn. My brother in law was first. He very obviously did not want to do it...but he did...screaming the whole way. After his turn, I went behind this huge partition that the bungee peeps built and sat down against it, instantly knocking it down and ruining the whole setup. I cried. As did a friend of my brother's. That was that.

Until it was time for dream number 2. I was at someone's house for school. We had to answer questions on the book "My Sister's Keeper" and I, in typical Lisa fashion, didn't want to take the test, so I BS'd the answers. My broter in law graded my paper )the same brother in law who bungee jumoed in the last dream) and wrote comments on my test about how e was disappointed in me. As the teacher came around to collect the tests, he saw that I left a few answers blank, so he gave me a slip allowing me to go into the library in the house to get the book so I could finish it. As I went in, I ran into Maryann the "Maenad" (From the show True Blood)and she was giving me the third degree about being in the library, even tough I had permission to be there. I woke up as I was leaving the library, book in hand, and Maryann was spouting off at the mouth about her God and other such True Blood related things.

Okay, so I was talking about True Blood and My Sister's Keeper yesterday, so that part makes sense, and I was texting with my broter in law yesterday, so that makes sense as well.

Anyone care to try and translate? The bungee jumping dream is really sticking with me for some reason...

Change

You can blame my lack of blogging on Edward Cullen.  I wish I knew how to quit you, Edward.

I've had the AC off and the wondows open for just about the whole week.  I love it.  The cool, crisp mornings, and the warm afternoons are truly what I crave.  This is the weather I can deal with all year round.

Fall is rapidly approaching.  Fall, like Spring, are my favorite seasons.  I seem to like the transitory seasons.  Seasons that signify change. Summer and Winter bore me.  They are long, and mundane, and the same, day in and day out.  I like the brief coolness, and crispness that Fall brings.  The fresh, clean air.  The beautiful colors that the leaves turn.  I smile just thinking about it.  It amazes me that someone who is so stuck in the day to day scheduling of everything craves change as much as I do.  Actually, re-reading what I just wrote, it guess kind of makes sense.

I've been thinking about change.  Physical changes.  I'm determined to lose some freaking weight.  I'm wanting 2 wrist tattoos pretty badly.  I'm going to get my hair cut and colored soon.  I'm even tossing around the idea of a random, not so conventional piercing.  I'm too young for a mid-life crisis, so the only reasoning I have is "change".  With the fall comes change, and I'm so ready for it.