Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010, Here we go again...

I don't like making resolutions.  I think of them as ways to set yourself up for failure.  I'm not making resolutions this year, but I will make it a point to work on some things.  Maybe, just maybe, if these things don't have the "resolution" tag, they have a snowballs chance in hell to actually working out.

I WILL work on losing weight.  I NEED to be able to play with my kids without wanting to keel over and die.  I HAVE to stop eating when I'm not hungry, or sad, or happy, or bored.  Not being able to walk up the stairs without having to stop halfway to catch my breath is UNACCEPTABLE.  Being very close to my "37.5 weeks pregnant" weight is ridiculous.  I NEED to make the effort to lose the weight.  For my sake.  For my kids sake.  I don't mean to make that sound so dramatic, but the fact of the matter is, it IS that dramatic; it IS that serious.  I know that I will never be happy with the weight I'm at, and I will never be happy with the way I look...that's another issue, for another year, but I can work on being okay with it all.  "Okay" is good enough for me.

My passive aggressiveness needs to go. So does my debilitating shyness.  I know, I know, those who know me may not notice the shyness, but it's there.  It's crippling at times.  I need to just work through it.  It was never this bad, and I think alot of it has to do with my weight issue. So hopefully working on one will help with the other?  Maybe.

I have to work on communicating better.  In my marriage, with my family.  I will not be taken seriously, if I don't know how to communicate what I'm thinking effectively. 

I NEED to stop being so damn emo all of the time.  Alot of it has to do with the weight, that's a point of fact.  Crying at the drop of a hat is really not cool.

I NEED to go to a doctor.  A body doctor and a mind doctor.  It's time...FINALLY.  I'm NOT getting any younger and I'm not getting any saner, so it's just time.  I have to not be so scared of the help that I need.  Thinking about it now, I'm not so sure what it is I'm afraid of, but alas, I'm terrified.  That can be NO MORE.

I have to stop being such a damn slob.  This is a relatively new turn of events for me.  When I got married, I was disgusted at the slob my husband was (Sorry, Honey), and now, 4 years later, it's rubbed off on me.  I can't stand itm but I can't stop it.  Time to work on that.

That goes hand in hand with wanting to be a better "housewife".  Cleaning more, getting the laundry under control, keeping on top of the grocery list.  These are all things that I can definitely work on.

I need to work on being a better Mom and wife.  Being a Mom is something I take very seriously, and as of late, I haven't been doing such a great job.  My seemingly never ending patience has been tapped out.  My compassion and understanding has gone out the window.  i need to work on getting that back.  Focus on the positive, and to let the negative affect me so much.  They deserve it.  I have to parent out of love a bit more than parent out of anger.  Same thing with my marriage to make it a point to enjoy the positive and not harp on the negative things and let them bring me down.

I need to...take a vitamin every day.  Drink more milk.  Eat 4 french toast sticks instead of 6.  Open the windows.  Not stay in my pajamas all day every day.  GO OUT and not be afraid of how to handle 2 kids on my own in the "outside world".  Make new friends.  Reconnect with old ones.  Stop being mean.  Stop being angry.  Live each and every day to it's full potential.  Go on a vacation.  Stay off the damn computer.

Sounds like it's going to be a full year, eh? 

I wish each and every single one of you a Happy, Healthy New Year full of positivity and love. 

1 comment:

  1. I love you Lisa.
    Just so you know.

    And you're stealing my thoughts again.