Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010, Here we go again...

I don't like making resolutions.  I think of them as ways to set yourself up for failure.  I'm not making resolutions this year, but I will make it a point to work on some things.  Maybe, just maybe, if these things don't have the "resolution" tag, they have a snowballs chance in hell to actually working out.

I WILL work on losing weight.  I NEED to be able to play with my kids without wanting to keel over and die.  I HAVE to stop eating when I'm not hungry, or sad, or happy, or bored.  Not being able to walk up the stairs without having to stop halfway to catch my breath is UNACCEPTABLE.  Being very close to my "37.5 weeks pregnant" weight is ridiculous.  I NEED to make the effort to lose the weight.  For my sake.  For my kids sake.  I don't mean to make that sound so dramatic, but the fact of the matter is, it IS that dramatic; it IS that serious.  I know that I will never be happy with the weight I'm at, and I will never be happy with the way I look...that's another issue, for another year, but I can work on being okay with it all.  "Okay" is good enough for me.

My passive aggressiveness needs to go. So does my debilitating shyness.  I know, I know, those who know me may not notice the shyness, but it's there.  It's crippling at times.  I need to just work through it.  It was never this bad, and I think alot of it has to do with my weight issue. So hopefully working on one will help with the other?  Maybe.

I have to work on communicating better.  In my marriage, with my family.  I will not be taken seriously, if I don't know how to communicate what I'm thinking effectively. 

I NEED to stop being so damn emo all of the time.  Alot of it has to do with the weight, that's a point of fact.  Crying at the drop of a hat is really not cool.

I NEED to go to a doctor.  A body doctor and a mind doctor.  It's time...FINALLY.  I'm NOT getting any younger and I'm not getting any saner, so it's just time.  I have to not be so scared of the help that I need.  Thinking about it now, I'm not so sure what it is I'm afraid of, but alas, I'm terrified.  That can be NO MORE.

I have to stop being such a damn slob.  This is a relatively new turn of events for me.  When I got married, I was disgusted at the slob my husband was (Sorry, Honey), and now, 4 years later, it's rubbed off on me.  I can't stand itm but I can't stop it.  Time to work on that.

That goes hand in hand with wanting to be a better "housewife".  Cleaning more, getting the laundry under control, keeping on top of the grocery list.  These are all things that I can definitely work on.

I need to work on being a better Mom and wife.  Being a Mom is something I take very seriously, and as of late, I haven't been doing such a great job.  My seemingly never ending patience has been tapped out.  My compassion and understanding has gone out the window.  i need to work on getting that back.  Focus on the positive, and to let the negative affect me so much.  They deserve it.  I have to parent out of love a bit more than parent out of anger.  Same thing with my marriage to make it a point to enjoy the positive and not harp on the negative things and let them bring me down.

I need to...take a vitamin every day.  Drink more milk.  Eat 4 french toast sticks instead of 6.  Open the windows.  Not stay in my pajamas all day every day.  GO OUT and not be afraid of how to handle 2 kids on my own in the "outside world".  Make new friends.  Reconnect with old ones.  Stop being mean.  Stop being angry.  Live each and every day to it's full potential.  Go on a vacation.  Stay off the damn computer.

Sounds like it's going to be a full year, eh? 

I wish each and every single one of you a Happy, Healthy New Year full of positivity and love. 

Monday, November 9, 2009

Mommy Lessons

You know that commerical for "Kix" cereal, that states that Kix are "kid tested and mother approved"?  My bet is that particular mother didn't have to vacuum Kix off of her dining room carpet 13 times a day.  Cheerios , FTW.

It's amazing that I've only been a Mom for a mere fraction of my life, and it is the thing that matter the most to me.  In 2 and a half years I've learned so much.  Here are some lessons that I've learned:

-It doesn't matter how many toys you buy them, they will always play with the box it came in, instead.

-Mommy's kisses can really fix anything.  And I have to remember that when Jack asks me to kiss his butt, because he hurt it.  It won't be cute when he is 14 and telling me to kiss his butt for other reasons.

-There are taboo topics in Motherhood that will always cause a debate.  No matter what is said, or what is talked about, no one knows what is best for your children but YOU. formula vs. nursing/vaccinate vs. not vaccinating/disposable vs. cloth/pro or anti "cry it out"...It's all a matter of personal choice.  Do the research and make your own decisions , don't just do what other people say you should do.

-Children never perform on command.  So, when you tell someone, "yeah, she does this now, check it out", be prepared to feel like an idiot when your child stares at you blankly, drooling.

-There is nothing like looking through the world through your children's eyes.  The innocence of it all.  It's a breath of fresh air.  A joy.

-No matter how hard it may be at times, ENJOY everyday with your children.  Times goes by so fast.  How did Jack become 2 and a half?  How is Emma going to be 1 in three weeks?  I try not to blink at times; I'm scared I'm going to miss something.

-Letting your child cry while you take a moment for yourself is probably the smartest thing a mother (or father) could do for themselves.  There is nothing, NOTHING wrong with making sure all of your child's needs are met, and just locking yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes to collect yourself...

-Don't be afraid to ask for, or accept help.  Let go of the control and accept that you can't do it all all of the time.

-Fight for what you want for your children.  If you can't fight for them, what can you fight for?  Better yet, what SHOULD you fight for?  Stand up for them, believe in them, cherish them.

-It's okay to be angry with your little bundle of joy/little hellion, depending on the situation.  They know from a very early age what buttons to push.  They also know the exact time to give an unprovoked hug or kiss.  Survival instincts start young.

-There's always tomorrow.  I chant that to myself at 9:30 in the morning on a particularly crappy day.

-There is nothing, NOTHING like newborn, infant,toddler cuddles.  They make you feel like maybe, just maybe you're doing something right in forming your miniature human.

I was never sure that I wanted kids.  I especially did not want 2 kids in 2 years, and I'm okay with saying that.  I'm also okay with saying that my children have taken my world in their little hands and have changed it so remarkably; I can't imagine living life any different than how I'm living it right now at this very moment.

Thanks, Boo and Rosie, you rock my world each and every day.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Long time...

I've been very quiet as of late.  Lots to say, just not sure how or when to say it. 

There has been alot going on here.  Greg has had some pretty severe back pain, and we are being forced to consider lots of different scenarios, which include me going back to work, and him staying home full time with the babes.  I'm not crazy about the idea, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I definitely am not of the thinking that "the man has to provide for the family at all costs, while the wife sits at home and does wifely duties", so if me going to work is the answer, so be it.

 The one thing that is a definite is that he will have to find a different line of work, something not so physically demanding.  There's not alot out there to chose from for a guy who doesn't like to work indoors.  This is really been weighing heavily on our minds; it's just so much to think about.  He doesn't have a specific diagnosis, other than "it's going to hurt really bad for a long time", so it's hard to plan our future on that.  In the meantime, he's quit his part time job in efforts to let his back heal a bit while still working his full time job, so he's home on the weekends for the first time in 2 years or so.  It's taking some getting used to. 
Halloween is coming up quickly.  I never like it, even as a kid.  However, on Halloween 2006, I found out I was pregnant with Jack, so  I've been a fan ever since.  The kids are going to be Peter Pan and Tinkerbell this year.  Next year, I'm going to figure out how to make their costumes, because costumes are just too expensive.  We will have a busy day that day.  Up North to the inlaws for pictures, and back down here for Trick Or Treating.  Jack hates candy, and Emma is too young, so that leaves whatever candy they get for Greg and I.  Since I have the willpower of an ant, it's going to be hard to stay away.

I've been thinking about my weight alot lately.  I'm too lazy, and too tired, and too stressed out to stop eating.  That's the truth.  My weight is out of control.  I'm 10 pounds away from my highest weight ever..."9 months pregnant with Emma" weight is not a weight I want to be close to now that she is 10 months old.  I just don't know what to do about it. WW is an option, I just have to drag my lazy ass to a meeting.

I started this last night and never got around to finishing it.  I will end it now, as both babies are up (and still sick, it's been a week), maybe I'll write some more later.

Sunday, September 13, 2009


Dreams. If they are the portal to one's soul, than my soul is f'ed up!!

I really wanted to go bungee-jumping, very badly. Once I said that, people got on the ball, and arranged for it to happen. The bungee people decided to come to my parents house (the old house) and dig a hole in the ground into the basement. In the hole that they created, they put a tank of water. High about the hole, they hung a the contraption that I would jump off of. Me wanting to bungee jump turned into a bunch of people wanting to bungee jump, friends and family gathered for their turn. My brother in law was first. He very obviously did not want to do it...but he did...screaming the whole way. After his turn, I went behind this huge partition that the bungee peeps built and sat down against it, instantly knocking it down and ruining the whole setup. I cried. As did a friend of my brother's. That was that.

Until it was time for dream number 2. I was at someone's house for school. We had to answer questions on the book "My Sister's Keeper" and I, in typical Lisa fashion, didn't want to take the test, so I BS'd the answers. My broter in law graded my paper )the same brother in law who bungee jumoed in the last dream) and wrote comments on my test about how e was disappointed in me. As the teacher came around to collect the tests, he saw that I left a few answers blank, so he gave me a slip allowing me to go into the library in the house to get the book so I could finish it. As I went in, I ran into Maryann the "Maenad" (From the show True Blood)and she was giving me the third degree about being in the library, even tough I had permission to be there. I woke up as I was leaving the library, book in hand, and Maryann was spouting off at the mouth about her God and other such True Blood related things.

Okay, so I was talking about True Blood and My Sister's Keeper yesterday, so that part makes sense, and I was texting with my broter in law yesterday, so that makes sense as well.

Anyone care to try and translate? The bungee jumping dream is really sticking with me for some reason...

Thursday, September 3, 2009


You can blame my lack of blogging on Edward Cullen.  I wish I knew how to quit you, Edward.

I've had the AC off and the wondows open for just about the whole week.  I love it.  The cool, crisp mornings, and the warm afternoons are truly what I crave.  This is the weather I can deal with all year round.

Fall is rapidly approaching.  Fall, like Spring, are my favorite seasons.  I seem to like the transitory seasons.  Seasons that signify change. Summer and Winter bore me.  They are long, and mundane, and the same, day in and day out.  I like the brief coolness, and crispness that Fall brings.  The fresh, clean air.  The beautiful colors that the leaves turn.  I smile just thinking about it.  It amazes me that someone who is so stuck in the day to day scheduling of everything craves change as much as I do.  Actually, re-reading what I just wrote, it guess kind of makes sense.

I've been thinking about change.  Physical changes.  I'm determined to lose some freaking weight.  I'm wanting 2 wrist tattoos pretty badly.  I'm going to get my hair cut and colored soon.  I'm even tossing around the idea of a random, not so conventional piercing.  I'm too young for a mid-life crisis, so the only reasoning I have is "change".  With the fall comes change, and I'm so ready for it.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

When the going gets tough...

..the tough drink rum and coke.

I cannot remember the last time I had fun.  Like "honest to goodness, not a care in the world, I love the people I'm with" fun..  I was reminded last night just how much fun fun can be.

I get so caught up in the ups and downs, ins and outs of every day life that I forget how to be just Lisa.  I'm all about "Mommy, Wife, Daughter, Sister, I am woman hear me roar", that I forget to just take a step back, and kick up my heels...just live.

It's funny, because in recent times, I've been questioning friendships in my life, as alot of really important people in my life have unceremoniously 'dumped' me, for whatever reason.  When I think about last night, and about the people who I have fun with the most, it's the people that have been there all along.  My family.  I don't know why I thought friends and family couldn't be one in the same.

I've watched my cousin blossom into this amazing woman who I admire and adore.  Our relationship has come a long way.  Never did I think we'd have so much fun together.  Never.  I'm glad we are where we are today.

I've developed such a love and admiration for my brother's girlfriend of 6 years.  I won't lie, I'm not sure how she puts up with him at times, but I'm glad she does.  I truly can call her my friend, and for that, I'm so grateful.

Not many people can say that they have an Aunt who can hang with the best.  I can.  She's awesome.  And I love her so.

My husband is a good sport.  He's content to sit and watch other people have fun.  He's a good egg,  and evidently a target for practicing flirters everywhere.  He truly is my best friend.

My boys, and their boys, and their boys' girls) always make me smile when we are out together.  

It's nights like last night where I'm reminded to just take a step back and let go.  Just breathe.  Just have fun.

It was Laur's birthday, but I felt like I was the one who grew up a bit.

(and i'm never singing with Lauren Domino ever again.  She makes me sing silly songs and laugh the whole way through.)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A blog a day

I'm trying to write at least a blog a day.  I'm scared of running out of topics, though.   In my old journal, I asked for topics to write about, and it turned out really well.  So, I was thinking of doing that here.

Are there any topics you want me to write about?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Saying Goodbye

Recently, I've suffered a great loss.  The loss of my childhood home.  It was a year in the making; the economic status of the country has been making times rough for homeowners everywhere.  Having to say goodbye to the house...the home...that shaped my childhood was harder than I thought.

We moved there in 1986, when I was 7.  Having not left home to go to college, I stayed there until I married in 2005.  Even after I left Lillian Street, it was still home.  When financial contraints forced Greg and I to make huge lifestyle changes, Lillian Street became my official home once again.  We stayed there until earlier this year when a fantastic opportunity was placed in front of enabling us to purchase our first home.  So, for the second time in 4 years, I packed up and left Lillian Street.  This time for good.

You should never have to fight to keep something that was yours for so long.  Admitting defeat is never easy, but it was inevitable.  My parents were fortunate enough to find a fantastic home in an equally fantastic neighborhood.  So, at the beginning of this month, they packed 23 years worth of memories up and left Lillian Street.  New beginnings aren't easy to deal with, especially if you dread change.  Adjusting is taking a bit of time.

When I think of Lillian Street, I remember summers that lasted forever.  I remember pools, and laughter; swingsets and friends.  I remember first loves, and first heartbreaks.  Family gatherings, and quality time alone.  Friendships faded over time, and the neighborhood became a shell of what it once was.  For all intents and purposes, we said goodbye to Lillian Street, the REAL Lillian Street, many years ago.

I always smile when I think about how I've "known" that house longer than I've known my youngest brother.  Danny was brought home from the hospital to that house, it's the only house he's ever known.  I also smile when I think about how I brought both of MY children home from the hospital to that house.  For a brief time, I got to share my childhood with my children, and that's something I won't soon forget.

So that brings us to the present day.  It's been almost a month since we said good-bye. I say "we" because even though I didn't live there at this time, it was always home.  New House, New Beginnings, New Memories.  My family is very fortunate that they have a great new house to set up shop in.  It's just 3 minutes away from my house, so it's like the old 'hood' in a new location.  So, why is everyone still so sad?

As time goes by, the hurt and the sadness will fade, and memories may be less clear, but we will never forget our Lillian.  Our house, our home forever.

Monday, August 24, 2009


I envy those who have found their passion in life.  Everytime I think I find mine; I decide that it's not worth really pursuing.  This has happened many times in my life: baking, singing, ultrasound school, medical transcription school.  I don't know why I talk myself out of pursuing a way to make life easier. 

I really like to write.  I like to immerse myself into what I'm writing.  I love the way what I'm writing comes together.  I wish I would have really paid attention more in Journalism class in high school.  Who knows where I'd be right now.  Eh, probably right here, writing this very blog.  I would have convinced myself that it just wan't worth it.

Being a Mom is a passion of mine.  Music is a passion of mine.  Cooking, as well.  I feel my most comfortable when I'm singing, cooking, or playing with my babies.  I can just see it now, the next TLC reality show, "Lisa the singing, cooking Mom." How freaking cool would that be?

I wrote this letter to the editor about the state of a local park.  I received phone calls praising the letter, endless comments from friends and family about how good it was.  Could this be my new passion? Writing passions in life?  Animals are a passion of mine.  I've been an animal person all of my life.  It just felt write to speak on the behalf of people who care everywhere.  It felt great. I felt empowered.  If I'm being honest, I've been giddy all day because of it.

I will end this now, but I will say to all of you who have found your passion in life: Good for you.  I envy you.  You're very lucky.  I hope to one day join your ranks.

This blog may turn out to be fun...we shall see.

Post One

I've had lots of blogs. I get tired of it very quickly. When I start to annoy myself with what I'm writing about, I close up shop, pack up and move elsewhere. So here I am.

I need a new focus.
A new goal.
A new outlook.
A new outlet.

We will see how long this one lasts.

Consider this the first post that you've ever read from me. It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me...

...and I'm feeling good.

This will be the first blog that will be open for the public to see. There will be no "cross-posting" and also no "cross-topic" talking. What is written here STAYS here, and that goes for anywhere else you may read my writing.

I'm really into writing commentary. I'm into writing about things that I'm passionate about, and I really don't do enough of either anymore. I've recently been bitten by the writing bug, so hopefully this will turn into a creative outlet....if I actually keep up with it.

I do have a blog that is all about the babies: Feel free to that out as well. They are such a big part of my life, they deserve their own blog.

We will see how this goes...