Goodbye 32. Hello 33.

Today is my last day of being 32.

I just read an article stating that research shows that 33 is the happiest age EVAR.  I'm not so sure 33 can top 32.

32 gave me my Sara.  My happy, adorable, amazing baby.  32 gave me a healthy, cancer free brother.

32 gave me...me.

I really feel that 32 was a turning point for me.  I finally feel comfortable with myself and the role of mother.  I finally feel comfortable in this house.  I finally feel like I've accepted me for me and all that comes along with me.  I finally feel like Lisa for the first time in a long time.  

So, thank you 32.  You've rocked my world.  I will remember you always.

33, you have big shoes to fill.

Things I've Learned

-I've learned that the word "friend" has many different definitions.  I've also learned that, perhaps, I've used the word too freely over the years.  We grow and change, and friendships do the same...when they are true friendships.  So, to the couple of true friends that I have, thank you.  Thank you for always being there, and for putting up with my insanity.

-I've learned that some people may feel sorry for me.  I'm Lisa, "stuck at home" with the kids all day, while my husband works 3 jobs so we can afford life.  Please don't EVER feel sorry for me, for us.  We CHOSE  this life!  We chose for me to stay home with the kiddos.  We chose for me to be someone who gets to play with her kids all day, and not miss any important "firsts".  Our life, and the decisions that we've made work for us!  My life is exactly what I want it to be at this time.  Is being a SAHM always sunshine and butterflies?  Hell to the no.  But, being a SAHM has afforded me awesome memories of my kids growing and changing, memories that I will carry with me forever.  Why would someone feel sorry for that?  Do I see my husband as often as I'd like?  Nope.  Do the kids see him as often as I would like?  Nope to that, too.  But, at the end of the day, it's a sacrifice.  A sacrifice that he is willing to make FOR US.

-I've learned that my inner monologue while doing Zumba is pretty hilarious.  "If I do Zumba every day for a month, will I look like you, Gina the instructor?"  "Beto and Tanya have be 'doing it' behind the scenes, look at the way they look at each other during the "booty roll!!" "Damn it, Beto, you are not as hot as you think you are!"  I've also learned that Zumba, no matter how funny it may look, is a damn good workout.  And, by that I mean, I have fun while I'm looking like a fool.

-I've learned that my head and my heart don't ever see eye to eye. Things that seem so simple on paper aren't simple.  I've also learned that I stress over things, and overthink things way too much.

-I've learned that I'm at my happiest when I'm singing.  And cooking.  Being a caterer is something I've wanted for a long time, and I'm very pleased with my decision to get my certification .

-I've learned that I'm scared of a lot of things.  A lot.  Death, ghosts, the dark, people jumping out of no where in movies...that's the worst.  Moths are a huge fear.  Yes, moths.

-I've learned that I do not act my age.  Ever.  I think it's because no one ever believes that I'm my particular age.  Why act it if people think I'm younger?

-I've learned a lot from my children.  I've learned patience.  I've learned how to heal a 'boo-boo' with just a kiss.  I've learned different languages, like 'Jackanese' and 'Emmalaynian'.  I've learned that when my daughter tells me, "I don't likes you, Mommy", that she doesn't mean it and that I'll be getting a big hug in about 5 minutes.

-I've learned that after not liking kids for most of my life, that I actually really do like kids.  Something clicks when you give birth, something amazing.  That mothering instinct is no freaking joke.

-I've learned that I get bored very easily.  Kind of like I'm getting bored with this....

Life

I try not to let myself get too philosophical about things.  I try not to figure the meaning of life, or why things happen the way they do.  I've been thinking a lot, though, about how things truly happen for a reason, even if that reason isn't so clear at the time.

Do you do this?  Think about these types of things?  What conclusions have you come up with?

Wearing Blue

I'm wearing blue today for my brother, the colon cancer slayer.  It's National Dress In Blue day, and it's also colon cancer awareness month.  I cannot convey how important it is to get tested, especially if there is a family history.  Even if there isn't, it's not a bad idea to get checked, as, we all learned not too long ago that there doesn't need to be a family history for someone to develop this awful disease.

I hope you will join me in wearing blue.

Weight, weight, weight, what's going on here?

I'm fat.  No really, I am.  I've always been a bigger girl.  I remember being in 3rd grade, and a substitute teacher called me "chunky".  Thanks, dude.  I don't think I've ever been happy with the way I looked, and it hasn't changed as I've gotten older.

I've gained 80 pounds since I've gotten married.  Having 3 kids in 4 years helped that particular situation.  I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Jack, I was terrified I wouldn't lose the baby weight.  43 pounds and a beautiful baby later, I decided to try Weight Watchers.  I lost 20 of those 43 pounds pretty quickly, actually.  The rest stuck around for pregnancy #2.  26 pounds, my highest weight EVER and another beautiful baby later, I tried, once again, to lose the weight.  Never did I really devote myself to the whole points thing.  It was just too much.  My weight has been a yo-yo for the past couple of years and I still had 15 pounds of 'Emma weight' leftover to become 'Sara weight'.  27 pounds, my NEW highest weight ever and beautiful baby #3 was a bit different.  I lost the baby weight SO quickly.  All of the 'Sara weight' pretty much disappeared within weeks.  How amazing!  So, why is the 'Emma weight' and 'Jack weight' sticking around for so long?

Over the years, I feel like I've tried everything. This 'fad' diet, that 'fad' diet.  I've eaten grapefruits.  I've cut out carbs.  I've not eaten after a certain time.  Shakes, salads, diet pills, been there, done that.  Nothing ever works.

Things have changed now.  They HAVE to.  I'm currently at my lowest weight in about a year an a half, maybe longer.  I'm counting my calories.  I'm exercising.  I'm drinking water like it's my job.  I'm FAR away from my goal, but, shit, I'm ready to shout from the rooftops, "I'M LOSING WEIGHT!!"  I enjoy exercising. Me!  Lisa Marie D'Imperio Budesheim ENJOYS exercising!  Who knew?  I need to expand my exercise repertoire, however.  I've been Zumba-ing to my hearts content, but I need other things to do.  So, I'm doing some research.  Yoga?  Jillian?  I like to dance, so I may just keep along with that sort of workout.

My goal by the summer is 20 pounds.    My goal for the year is 40 pounds.  My overall goal is 60-80 pounds.  There is really no time limit on this.  It may take years, it may not.  It doesn't matter, it just needs to happen.  Right now, I'm on a 'one day at a time' basis, and it's working well.

I'm not sure what the point of writing all of this out was.  Maybe it's so I can look back on it if i'm frustrated.  maybe it's here to remind me of my goals.  Maybe I just need to get it all to process it.  Hopefully I can look back on it 6 months from now, a year from now, 6 years from now, and see how far I've come.

That would be nice...very, very nice.